From my Mind, to Human form

Lately I've been spending more and more time taking the chance to just sit and think. No major distractions, no movies, music, or *gasp* books, but just myself and my wandering mind. And what has my mind been spending time on lately? Or more accurately, where has it been, and the answer is: in the past.
Remembering people, jobs, moments, words said, things done, and so much more. And what's even more interesting about it is that almost each time that I think of a person, they seem to come to my life again somehow. The most recent occurrence of this being a few minutes ago on campus.
One of my morning classes was cancelled but since I was already almost to campus I decided to just stick around and play catch up on nothing-ness while sipping on a warm cup of coco, when in walks in a girl who I worked with at the movie theater 2+ years ago. We were never the closest of coworkers, but I always admired her for a variety of reasons, one being her hard work skills, and the other her enthusiasm/dedication to schooling. She was always floating around the concessions at work, with some note cards in one hand, and cleaning supplies in the other hand and pockets.
What made the moment nice was not just that she recognized me, and stopped to say hi, and actually catch up. Because lets admit, how often are we guilty of seeing somebody we know or used to be on a good level of acquaintance with, and after a time passes, we tend to not really notice them. Not exactly ignore them, but don't take the time to stop and say 'hey!' to them, knowing that we've had classes, work or other moments together. No you see, what made this chance meeting stick out to me was the fact that just the previous evening I'd been thinking of her and another old coworker, and thinking to myself, what were they up to? I'd always thought them each good, strong, and hardworking and have hoped that they were finally getting some of the good things that I felt they deserve.

Even better moment: as I sit at a little cafe table typing my heart out, over comes a person who had taken a pretty big role in my life for a semester, and holy cow, they ARE getting something they deserve and I'm feeling just as excited for them as they probably are for themselves! Hah!

"I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason.
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return"

Beautiful lyrics from a certain favorite musical, maybe you've heard of it, Wicked?
I can't help but have them running through my head at this moment.
So I leave you with this thought:
Who has helped you be 'Changed for the Better'??
In fact, try and think of 5 people. And I dare you to send them a little message of Hi if they're currently missing in your life, or a HUGE hug if you see them every day.
I know I've got some messages to send that's for certain.
til later,
Sweet Dreamzz

DreamzzDreamer

So long ago so far away

So it's been waaaaaay too long since I last posted a single thing. So I'll do the best I can to play catch up after church, but for the moment I'm at least posting to say I live. =D
LOTS to come later, including pictures, as much as possible.

a few pictures of home <3

ok, so time and other stuff are against me getting more up at the moment, but this is just the beginning of my pictures of my place. promise i'll get more up soon. maybe i'll wake up at an unreasonable hour [like, say 8 or 9am] and get to internet and finish everything. only cuz i love yall!

This is the table and our 4 chairs. yay! it's all connected to the kitchen counter. It's real trippy.

The coolest couch ever, You'll see in my later post why it's THE COOLEST ever.

side shot of the stairs and door.

my shelf next to my bedroom door with my pot, and plaque
drawers i pieced together, my dvd's n cd's, whiteboard, and closet. BIG closet! truely
book shelf at the end of my bed. still unpacking and putting things where they belong as you can tell from some of the boxes.
my window that looks over a lot/tire place/ out onto Muldoon [main road]. FINALLY made the curtains. I'll post an upclose of them later. =)
MY BED! Ok Ok, so it's a futon, but i LOVE it! lots of purple, some brown sheets, n pillows, my little shelf in the corner, AND the coolest lamp ever. purple! started the whole thing really i think. PLUS the thing is one of those touch lamps, that i got brand new for 6 bucks. gotta love military thrift store, where everyone's constantly moving buying new things and what not.

ANYWAYS! more pictures to come asap. love you all!

Missing

I'm Missing a lot right now.
mostly, i'm missing internet all the time.

I miss working in concessions before we had to wear hats.

The way he'd kiss me good morning.

The idea of having some of that back....
so exciting.

'poke'

'Sarah Smith has facebook poked you.'
return poke or remove poke

pick your poison!


I dare you. Do you poke them back? Then you can start to wonder why in the effin world they poked you to begin with.
Maybe they didn't mean to poke you, but somebody else. It's possible.

But, shock what if they meant to poke you? then what's the reasoning?

I hate to see pokes on my page sometimes, depending on the person, and/or our recent history.
I mean, what the heck am i'm supposed to do about a poke from say, the guy who accidently ran over cat?
The girl who told you that she has a crush on you... and you're a girl who loves boys.
a favorite: the person who broke your heart.
maybe from a supervisor who let's face it, he's just a creeper.

how in the world do you respond to some of these. face the choices of, poking them back and just hope it was a casual 'hey! i exist, remember me?' poke.
let's hope so.
or how about creeper supervisor. oh dang what a double edge sword... to poke back and deal with a possible sexual harrassment starting, or remove the poke and hope that he doesn't put you on bathroom duty or something like that.

I admit i used to LOVE the poke feature, but as I've stopped useing it more, for some reason i've become weary of others when they use it.
who knows... maybe i should just, forget about it and not think so much about it, but golly, would i love to know what goes on in some peoples minds when they send a poke.

Wouldn't you?

lots to say, but no time...

A usual occurance for me, not having time to say all that i'd like.
You think i'd learn to say it short n quick, but it's so tough. I'm a wordy person. I'd been working on making things vivid. for the most part though, i guess i tend to just make it confusing. =/ oh well, i guess that's the next thing to work on. =)

So, as short as I can...

It looks like i'm staying in Alaska again. Strange to say, and I don't recall making a decision, but my friend Sarah is having to find a place now due to some home stuff, and we'd talked about finding a place together before, so we're doing just that. It's crazy to think about doing, but I'm SO excited to be doing so.

Second, I'm going to be quitting my job @ the movie theatre. I don't want to, but it's not worth the money, in short. And they stopped moving me up cuz they didn't want to train and move me up, not knowing if I were moving. Their loss is all I've got to say. But I'm so glad for what I've learned there... Mostly for the friendships, the experience learned [especially in cash handling!] and just, everything overall.

At the this time, i'm also trying to right the wrongs and get myself out of the messes i've gotten myself into this last month or so. All I have to say is that being hurt like I was, can make a person do crazy things.
I still have days where I don't wanna get out of bed, looking at a picture or thinking of him makes me cry. Worst of all for some reason, is the music. Songs that writers/singers have written to touch other's hearts... yeah they're catching one pretty strong right now.
There's about 5 or 10 songs that i could make a playlist of just those songs, and i could listen to the playlist everyday, all day for at least a month and they'd still get to me. I won't sit in cars or bathrooms and bawl like the first time's they realllllly got to me, but there's just something about the lyrics that make me able to apply the song to my life at the moment.

As the title says LOTS to say, but no time. in fact, here it is about 1am, I'd planned to be in bed and sleeping, latest 10:30pm. yeah that SO didn't happen. And while i may have to wake up for work @ 5am soon, that's ok. It's been worth it. Every minute.

SO with that word, i'll end, and get a nice nap in before pulling another double duty weekend.... two days, both jobs, both days; little to no sleep, TONS of work and fun.
Oh the summer life i lead.
<3

why do we?

why do we:
Watch a movie what makes us long or want the life they have so badly? The notebook? yeah who hasn't cried watching that, or at least wanted a moment of their life to have that sort of love? Dreams of being the cool adventurer who'd be daring enough to take a trip or jump into the unknown like Indiana. Yearned to be the one singing and dancing along the streets in a world of their own, unaware of surrounds like within movies depicting musicals.
Pick books to read that are sure to cause us to remenisce? The stories and history that are shared. A hope that we can forget about our lives for just a moment and BE the person in the story. Have their ups and downs instead of our own.
Who can say they've never wished themselves into a storybook world? I certainly can't. I live within the covers of books. I've managed to renew a love of movies and the stories they share.How these authors and directors manage to touch us with words, sights and sounds.they make us feel.
Some manage to make us think and feel like we havn't before. They somehow get us to drege up emotions that are memories and compare these new feelings to ones of the past.How can reading a book about a love who's died, manage to make me cry, when i haven't had that same experience? It's the fears of it happening to me, past experiences of losing a loved ones, not to death but to other things.addiction.another.a lack of something.distance.
not just a romantic love, but other loves as well. loved family members, friends who are so close you count them as siblings. And they don't have to die to lose them.losing a friend/love interest to drugs. not fun. don't talk to them anymore. long before i moved states away, they had changed their life and moved out of mine. I keep a moment or two of our good times in my head when i think of him. Sitting on the hammock in the yard, really talking. giving me a flower as a joke, but realizing, too late how you really felt, and yet you couldn't express it. keeping secrets for one another. wrestling matches over the remote becoming a ticklefest, to just sharing the moment together under a blanket to keep anyone from seeing us stare at one another. so many more to remember and cherish. And you changed by addiction.
"If Frankie and I hadn't wanted ice cream that stupid day, he'd still be alive.If I hadn't gotten his heart all worked up kissing him every night since my birthday, he'd still be alive.If i'd never been born, he'd still be alive."How can she think that? this character can't possibly think that, knowing what she does about how his heart had caused the accident, she and her kisses with a boy [who loved her, it's apparent] are what killed him.and yet, i get it.
"If only i'd lived closer. If i hadn't done that with him. If I hadn't been so religious/short/older/stupid"The list of 'ifs' can go on forever if i let them, but it won't change the now. This moment of me being alone.
Sarah and i talked about biggest fears. I already can't remember her answer, but i can't stop mine from staring me in the face again. All the time suppressed and hidden away, and yet now it chooses to rear it's ugly, sad, wallowing face. Alone.Edgar Allan Poe i believe said something in a note or letter to somebody once, about being alone. I write it the way i best remember it, and find it to apply.'Though I be surrounded by hundreds and yet still I am alone'In trying to find it, i found this poem by somebody instead, and it's not quite right, but it's so beautiful.http://www.darkpoetry.com/dp/2074/16942
I deter from my orginal beginnings, as is usual for myself, but i like where it goes. and to relate the two back together, i say this.The being alone and the fear it instills, seems to be controlled when in life, and living day to day. But when reading or watching movies, that fear is released a bit and sometimes even the tears fall.Today, they fall freely. The last month or so, they've fallen more than i care to count. And yet while i'm hurting, and feeling alone, I seem to feel stronger and stronger after they fall.
more to follow on the stories

i'm just full of blogs! =)

Ok, so i'm not exactly full of blogs, but i'm online again, and just miss blogging SO much, and i've discovered that typing keeps my hands occupied and thus i'm not scratching myself, making my hives worse.
and ok let me tell yah, hives SUCK! ugh. same with tonsillitus. hate them like the black plague. which i'm sure i'll get next, with my luck. and yet i still manage not to have mono. ;) whatev.

kinda in a mood to skip fhe and everything with it. cept i kinda can't seeing as i'm doing the short lesson again cuz well, i am. And then, planning meeting afterwards which is TOTALLY needed. it's way way way way way way ..... [8 million 'way's later] overdue!
but i just would much rather be curled up sleeping. or doing more random online stuff. and watching tivo'd shows or a movie. i've hardly seen movies lately.
Of course it's better that i am going to fhe and this meeting. and, uh totally forgot my train of thought. oops.

oooooooh! great lesson's at church yesterday. standing as witness, and then marriage. er well, dating and courtship. aaaaaaand suddenly i think it's time to switch to my other blog... lol! maybe later.

I wish it were april again. =/ or that it's the end of summer and i'm drivin down the alcan =) that'd be awesome. i'm ready to not feel so alone again. ugh. hate the feeling. probably why i work so much. but work is making me sick i think. or i'm making myself sick. who knows.
i've got work in the morning, and am totally up for going to sleep now. lol
oh well. back to putting together a lesson.
til next time!