why do we?

why do we:
Watch a movie what makes us long or want the life they have so badly? The notebook? yeah who hasn't cried watching that, or at least wanted a moment of their life to have that sort of love? Dreams of being the cool adventurer who'd be daring enough to take a trip or jump into the unknown like Indiana. Yearned to be the one singing and dancing along the streets in a world of their own, unaware of surrounds like within movies depicting musicals.
Pick books to read that are sure to cause us to remenisce? The stories and history that are shared. A hope that we can forget about our lives for just a moment and BE the person in the story. Have their ups and downs instead of our own.
Who can say they've never wished themselves into a storybook world? I certainly can't. I live within the covers of books. I've managed to renew a love of movies and the stories they share.How these authors and directors manage to touch us with words, sights and sounds.they make us feel.
Some manage to make us think and feel like we havn't before. They somehow get us to drege up emotions that are memories and compare these new feelings to ones of the past.How can reading a book about a love who's died, manage to make me cry, when i haven't had that same experience? It's the fears of it happening to me, past experiences of losing a loved ones, not to death but to other things.addiction.another.a lack of something.distance.
not just a romantic love, but other loves as well. loved family members, friends who are so close you count them as siblings. And they don't have to die to lose them.losing a friend/love interest to drugs. not fun. don't talk to them anymore. long before i moved states away, they had changed their life and moved out of mine. I keep a moment or two of our good times in my head when i think of him. Sitting on the hammock in the yard, really talking. giving me a flower as a joke, but realizing, too late how you really felt, and yet you couldn't express it. keeping secrets for one another. wrestling matches over the remote becoming a ticklefest, to just sharing the moment together under a blanket to keep anyone from seeing us stare at one another. so many more to remember and cherish. And you changed by addiction.
"If Frankie and I hadn't wanted ice cream that stupid day, he'd still be alive.If I hadn't gotten his heart all worked up kissing him every night since my birthday, he'd still be alive.If i'd never been born, he'd still be alive."How can she think that? this character can't possibly think that, knowing what she does about how his heart had caused the accident, she and her kisses with a boy [who loved her, it's apparent] are what killed him.and yet, i get it.
"If only i'd lived closer. If i hadn't done that with him. If I hadn't been so religious/short/older/stupid"The list of 'ifs' can go on forever if i let them, but it won't change the now. This moment of me being alone.
Sarah and i talked about biggest fears. I already can't remember her answer, but i can't stop mine from staring me in the face again. All the time suppressed and hidden away, and yet now it chooses to rear it's ugly, sad, wallowing face. Alone.Edgar Allan Poe i believe said something in a note or letter to somebody once, about being alone. I write it the way i best remember it, and find it to apply.'Though I be surrounded by hundreds and yet still I am alone'In trying to find it, i found this poem by somebody instead, and it's not quite right, but it's so beautiful.http://www.darkpoetry.com/dp/2074/16942
I deter from my orginal beginnings, as is usual for myself, but i like where it goes. and to relate the two back together, i say this.The being alone and the fear it instills, seems to be controlled when in life, and living day to day. But when reading or watching movies, that fear is released a bit and sometimes even the tears fall.Today, they fall freely. The last month or so, they've fallen more than i care to count. And yet while i'm hurting, and feeling alone, I seem to feel stronger and stronger after they fall.
more to follow on the stories